Diary of a Monkey Phone Caller

2001-09-06T10:21:00.000-05:00

The week goes by much faster when you get Monday off, doesn't it?

I did another radio interview this morning with KJOT in Boise, Idaho. The interview part went pretty well, and then they had me make a couple of monkey phone calls on the air to a couple of their station bosses, who the DJs described as "some of the most humorless guys we've ever met." To be fair, I've had a few non-radio customers who were slightly more humorless (or should I say less humorful?).

My other work calls have been pretty nondescript lately. (From my perspective, anyway. The recipients themselves sure wouldn't say that!) The only noteworthy thing was a call to this guy who had an almost unbelievable name. In fact, the person who ordered the call mentioned in the comments box that "Really, that's his name." I can't publish someone's real full name on the site, but suffice it to say that his first name and last name were the names of two US presidents who you'd never picture having anything to do with each other.

2001-09-04T13:43:00.000-05:00

Back to work! Labor Day Weekend is over, so now I'm hitting the phones again.

Don't have much to write about today, so I'll leave you with a few of my favorite monkey related products that I've found online.

Flying Monkey (scary!)
Sock Monkeys and sock monkey logo t-shirts (cool!)
Infinite Monkey t-shirt (not bad)
Monkey print pants (stylish!)
One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey (informative!)
Monkey Business game (fun!)
Monkey lamp (tacky!)
Darwin monkey (pseudo intellectual!)
Dreamy Monkey nail polish (sexy!)
Monkey Got My Frisbee free MP3 track (funny!)
Monkey Bookends (literary!)
Monkey Drum (noisy!)
Monkey charm (jewelry!)

2001-09-01T09:23:00.000-05:00

Look out! The Monkey Man has evidently resurfaced in India, even after authorities said the whole thing was a hoax.

Is it just me, or do those sketches make it seem like some poor guy saw a Planet of the Apes trailer and thought it was real?

Note to the people in Rupas: the Monkey Man doesn't want to hurt you. He just wants to use a telephone to make a few calls. Give him directions to the call center operation in Delhi and you'll be just fine.

Like many other Americans with "normal" jobs, I get the weekend and Monday off for Labor Day. See you on Tuesday!

2001-08-30T08:53:00.000-05:00

Busy media day today!

I started out with an interview with a radio station in El Paso and made some celebrity monkey phone calls. None of the celebrities answered today, which was kind of disappointing. I left a message for Peter Jennings with an assistant, and left a message on Julie Child's answering machine.

My second interview of the morning was with a country radio station in South Dakota. That one went really well. They just had me make one call to another radio employee and then asked a bunch of questions about the company.

2001-08-27T08:07:00.000-05:00

If you are a monkey and you get caught in an air vent at a hospital somewhere, try not to poop a lot, because it might make the patients sicker.

2001-08-24T10:03:00.000-05:00

Here's a monkey-related news story about Brad Pitt. He dressed up in a monkey suit for an episode of Jackass on MTV. I haven't seen that episode yet!

2001-08-23T08:28:00.000-05:00

Man what a busy day on Wednesday. It's one of those weeks where a lot of my share of the calls have been for people who never answer the phone. Some people never answer the phone at work, and others are always in meetings.

I got a great response from one particular recipient yesterday. First of all, I had two different phone numbers for him. The first number was to an answering machine where he had a joke about monkeys, so I knew the person who ordered the call must have picked him for a good reason! I got through on the second number and delivered the monkey phone call. At the end of the call, I asked if he had enjoyed it and he said, "I think this might be the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me."

I love those kinds of calls.

Here's a good monkey-related news article. Iranian authorities are about to crack down on social corruption, which includes "playing loud music, selling dogs or monkeys or displaying women's underwear or naked mannequins in windows." They'd probably arrest me or Steve Ballmer from Microsoft in a second if we went over there. I don't think I'll visit Iran any time soon.

2001-08-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

I did another radio show this morning. This time it was WPYX in Albany, NY. My boss always has me do the radio shows because I don't get nervous when I'm on the air like some of the other employees.

I've been on at least 20 different morning radio shows, but I can safely say that this one was the worst one so far. A lot of the times the DJs will have me call someone live on the air and make a monkey phone call, which is usually fun. But this time the DJ picked a well-known local Islamic black militant! It had never even occurred to me that someone could possibly think a monkey phone call is racist, but this gentleman sure did. They got him on the line and I told him that someone had sent him a monkey phone call and he almost went ballistic. "A WHAT!!!????"

He yelled and told me I was the missing link, which I took as a compliment!

It turned out okay in the end because the DJ got on the air and explained that they were just playing a joke on him. But I'm always disappointed when I talk to a DJ who makes out Monkeyphonecall.com to be some kind of prank call thing, and not a real service. Our real customers order monkey phone calls as a funny joke for their friends, family or coworkers, and not as a mean-spirited prank. I wouldn't keep this job if it people didn't enjoy receiving the monkey phone calls. It would be too much like telemarketing.

On a completely different subject, a friend emailed me this telephone number and told me I needed to call it. 1-800-862-8784 Ext. 4644. It's someone who has a job that's almost just like mine! Only this woman is a World Champion. I hope I can eventually be as good at my job as she is at hers!

2001-08-20T15:16:00.000-05:00

Time to gripe for a few minutes.

What's up with the people who order a call and give us somebody's home number when they're at work during the day? We don't work at night! Come on people. Daytime phone numbers please.

Here's a rude email I got today from some guy at Compaq. Although I'm tempted to include all of his contact information, I'll refrain.

"…there are a lot of scams on the net, but this has to be one of the biggest that I have seen.
$10 for a 30 second phone call?? People really buy this?
Ed S"

I hope I don't get fired for this, but I replied and said, "It’s a much better value than buying a Compaq, that’s for sure!"

It makes me mad that someone would call my whole job a "scam." Maybe it seems silly or dumb to that guy, but this is real work, with real customers. I'd like to see him make a blood curdling monkey screech. You can bet that my next PC isn't going to come out of Houston.

One of my recipients today had one of the best responses I've ever heard after a monkey phone call. When I asked if he enjoyed the call he chuckled a bit and said, "You receive renumeration for this?" I smiled and told him, "I sure do!"

2001-08-18T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not crazy after all.

I commented earlier that it seemed like we were getting a lot more birthday orders than usual. It turns out that more people have birthdays in Augustthan any other month, according to Hallmark.

2001-08-17T16:32:00.000-05:00

Busy day today!

I had some catch-up work to do because they had a hard time keeping up with the orders while I was on vacation. I like it when it's busy though, because the day flies by. It's awfully hard on my throat though. I have to sip a lot of water to keep from wearing out my voice. It's probably like how it must be for someone like Axl Rose when he's on tour. I've noticed that I can make a lot more calls than I used to be able to make without getting tired. I wonder if I can screech louder too? I'll have to do a test and find out.

2001-08-16T17:10:00.000-05:00

What a terrible day.

I made it back from my trip to Graceland in time to come in to work and make some afternoon calls, but someone complained about me! He emailed and said that the monkey noises didn't last long enough. (He ordered the call for someone else, so I have no idea how he knows how long the call lasted.) I explained that the length of the average monkey phone call is discussed in our Frequently Asked Questions section, and that people get freaked out and tend to hang up if you go on for too long with the noises. I've always gone on longer for any person who has asked for more, and this recipient sure didn't ask for more noises.

What's worse is that he got mad about my response and explanation and complained again, and now a manager made a note of it. I'm sure it will come back to haunt me during my six month performance review.

Sometimes even the best job in the world can suck.

2001-08-15T07:31:00.000-05:00

Another great thing about this job is that it has a flexible work schedule. My boss let me take Wednesday and Thursday off, so I'm driving to Graceland today for the Elvis vigil. Hope to see some of you there!

While I'm gone, you might check out the news that there's going to be a movie about one of my favorite monkeys ever, Curious George!

2001-08-14T08:19:00.000-05:00

This morning I was visiting one of my favorite sites -- Monkey Hot Or Not.

I found an article that shows monkeys generally pay more attention in school than your average college student. This one went straight to the library after class to study! Have you ever heard of a human college student doing that?

And here's yet another bizarre news article about a stolen monkey. They should headline this one, "I'm sorry Ms. Jackson!"

2001-08-13T22:44:00.000-05:00

August must be the month that a lot of monkey lovers have birthdays. We've gotten a ton of birthday related orders in the last week. (This theory is also validated by the fact that I too have a birthday in August.) I personally made four birthday calls today alone! My favorite call was to a little girl who turned 7. Her parents gave us a recommended time to call, and the girl was home with some other kids there too. They put me on speakerphone and she got some great monkey noises! I think the kids all enjoyed it. I wish I had gotten such a cool birthday present when I was little, but there was no such thing as professional monkey phone calling back then.

I found yet another monkey story in the news today! This one is about some crazy person who tried to jump into the gorilla exhibit at the Bronx zoo. I hope he never finds out about Monkeyphonecall.com. He'd probably be like that chick from Fatal Attraction and would never leave us alone.

2001-08-13T11:26:00.000-05:00

Oh no, killer monkeys! This story was first on the Drudge report, and then on Ananova. Here's a link.

2001-08-12T20:45:00.000-05:00

I'm a little bit worried about job security. It seems that we have competition from a real live chimpanzee that makes phone calls. In these crazy days of dotcom layoffs, it would probably be difficult for me to find another job as good as this one.

2001-08-12T19:48:00.000-05:00

I've just seen proof that Steve Ballmer of Microsoft is a big fan of Monkeyphonecall.com! Although he isn't nearly as good at making monkey noises as we are, I must admit that he does a damn good monkey walk.